My husband has one child from a previous marriage and then me listed as beneficiaries 50/50 on his life insurance.
We had a baby last year and I am confused as to whether it would be better to leave it as is and add that if I die before my husband the money goes to our son, OR should I have my husband divide it equally among the three of us?
My husband says I would need the money to pay off the house if he died… He said that he does not want his first child to get less to divide it three ways would be ripping his child off.
I am concerned that our child is being lost in the process here; it just doesn’t sound right. But I am unfamiliar with how these things work.
I am not trying to shaft his child from his previous marriage. I am just trying to look out for our child as well.
Please help. Thanks.
thanks. some men feel that way but mine doesn’t. his child resides w his mother but is with us on weekends…

Casey Y

I don’t think your husband is using insurance in the right way here. Insurance is protection, not an inheritance. Setup a trust or some other sort of savings account for his first child, that’s my recommendation.
As for setting this up, you just need contingent beneficiaries setup properly, so that funds intended for you would go to your child in the event you pre-deceased your husband. You can revise the beneficiaries, but then that splits the money 3 ways instead of 2.


The purpose of life insurance is to replace his income.
It is NOT an inheritance. Do not argue about who “deserves” or has a “right” to a share. The question is who his income is currently providing for.
Do you work, or are you totally dependent on your husband? If the latter, then you need a share of the insurance to live on for the rest of your life.
Your child is also less dependent on your husband’s income if you will be supporting him as well.
Is the older child nearly grown? She won’t need the insurance at all once she starts supporting herself.
If the amount of insurance was appropriate to divide between you and the stepchild, then now that your husband has another dependent he needs to buy more life insurance.


Normally money goes to primary beneficiaries first and only to contingent beneficiaries if all primary beneficiaries are dead.
He could leave 50% to his other child, and 50% to you “per stirpes”. Per stirpes means to you or your descendant(s).


Instead of using percentages, it may be better to list like this:
Parent of (first child) or person responsible for that child if you do not trust the parent -Until child reaches at 18 $50,000 100%, upon age 18 child becomes full beneficiary AND Current spouse $50,000. As primary beneficiary 100% Equally.
Contingent 1st beneficiary is _____________. ( in case that person dies)100%. Contingent 2nd beneficiary is _________. 100% Equally.
I would suggest you speak to an insurance agent on if this is correct or not or an attorney. Or, repost your question under the “legal”category.
Never name a minor. If your husband dies and a minor is named the minor’s parent will get the money and you may not want that. It is usually better to name someone you trust as beneficiary. Someone that you know will use the money for both of your kids.


If you were to die before your husband, there would be no insurance pay out.
The insurance is on your husband’s life, not yours. You might need the money to
pay off the house, although,when people have young children, it is advised to
have mortgage insurance, to pay off the mortgage in case the breadwinner dies.


He can do it as he pleases. He could list the child he has with you as a CONTINGENT (backup) if you pre-decease him. A parent doesn’t normally name the child. The parent names the spouse who takes care of the child. Clearly, he doesn’t want to make his ex-wife the beneficiary, so he’s making the child the beneficiary.
YOU would be taking care of your child, correct? So, it’s you that needs the money.


dotn get this bit
“whether it would be better to leave it as is and add that if I die before my husband the money goes to our son”
“you” cant leave it anywhere only your husband can, from what you say it appears his 1st born gets 50% and you get 50%, “you” cannot change that
thats it – end of story- “you” cant have your husband do anything
(thing to remember – this only applies to his life insurance, nothing else)
second thing
if you die before him “you” wouldnt dictate where his life insurance goes, cos there would be a good chance he would change the beneficiaries and how much they would get after your death.
(remember – at the time of your death “you” would have not received anything from his life insurance cos he would still be alive,. and “you” cannot leave something you dont have to your son in your will)
My advice
your husband has told you his reasoning – I would just leave it, cos if you start trying to get him to change it he MIGHT cut the amount you get or cut you out of his insurance all together
(and remember a second time – this ONLY applies to his life insurance, its likely he has left YOU everything else and provided for your son in his will (assuming he has one)
Start pestering he MIGHT also change that)


he has named you as beneficiary and he has his reasons for doing so, if he wants to change it some other way that is his choice, he is trusting that you as his spouse will use the money in the best way for all concerned,
you as the beneficiary can mete it out any way you choose
his first child is just as equal as his second child, neither should get more than the other


He’s actually right because since there’s you and two kids, two thirds of it would actually be going to you since your son is a minor and you would be in charge of his portion. What he may want to consider doing is leaving a set equal amount to each child and put it in a trust, then leave you the remainder. If his policy was for $200,000 put like $25,000 for each in a trust then you get the other $150,000. Or you get half and the kids split equally the other half, each in a trust.
I have 2 kids from a previous marriage and 4 with my current husband.
All of my life insurance will go to all of my kids and all in equal amounts, in a trust until they turn 21 years old. I set my husband up as the custodian/supervisor of the trust for our kids and then for my 2 older kids I set their dad as their custodian/supervisor of it. They can get money from the trust before that but they need their respective dad’s signature to do so. At the age of 21 if they’ve taken anything out, they will get what is left.
My husband is well off, he doesn’t need my life insurance money to pay anything off. He’d basically get everything but the life insurance. My husband on the other hand left me all of his life insurance because well, I would need it to pay things off.…

Baby boomer rock fan

In his mind, he’s providing equally for both children. His first child gets half, which that child’s mother will oversee on his or her behalf, and your child gets half, which you will oversee for him. So I can kind of see where he’s coming from. (Plus, he may be feeling some guilt that the first child has a broken home while your baby gets to grow up in an intact home. This is his way of atoning for not being a full-time dad to the first one.) Honestly, I wouldn’t stress about this unless you have more kids. The larger your family grows, the more reasonable it will be for him to give your household a larger share of the insurance.

Hillbilly OJ

It should not be split 2 ways or 3.
You, being the wife, should get half. The children, now and what may come should share the other half equally.
Here is the reasoning behind what I am saying.
You are married to him. In your wedding vows you put yourself responsible to him for the rest of your life and him to you. There are no such vows when having children.
The law says children are on their own at the age of 18. Therefore, any child under the age of 18 is his responsibility. But not for the rest of their lives unless of course something happens to end their lives early. But his main priority should be you.
Therefore, half to you, because he vowed to take care of you. the rest gets split evenly among his offspring. That’s just fair.


Is it his house? If he dies, you get the house and half the insurance. I don`t think it`s fair that you get the whole house but it`s less complicated that way. There should be insurance on the house for it to be paid if he dies. You son is entitled (if he dies first) to half the insurance because it becomes yours and the whole house. Your son is only getting shafted if you don`t give him any money.

Another Crone

You ARE trying to shaft his first kid! None of this money is yours at all! Your husband has decided to give his first child half and you half. You’d be custodian of any monies you decide your child should get. ALL OF THIS IS A GIFT. It has nothing to do with “rights”. It’s a gift. If you want more money, work enough hours to pay for another insurance policy on your husband that leaves all the money to you. Really. There are NOT 3 beneficiaries on your husband’s policy, there are TWO.


If you take yourself out of the equation, 50/50 is a fair split between both your husband’s children.
Basically, if both of you should pass away, your child will inherit your 50% share, and the other child will inherit his 50% share.
It’s fair.

Barb Outhere

Here it is usual that the Spouse is awarded half, and the minor children get to divide what’s left. So each would get 25% BUT his will would over-ride that.


He could leave one-half to you and one-quarter to each of the children.


children always get 50, so his half will be divided between 2 children and all your half will go only to your child. so his child will get less, whether he wants it or not and a will does not override the law.

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